Effective... or not?

I received a call from the hospital around 16:30. The lady tells me that the blood test done this morning indicates a level of white blood cells of 1.4. Remember that 1.5 is the lower limit under which chemo is usually delayed for a week. Well, she did not cancel tomorrow's chemo yet because only a doctor can take the decision and she could not find one at this time. So I go to bed tonight not knowing if tomorrow I get my treatment. I can tell you that this call was like a speed bump on the road. You drive a bit too fast, you don't see the speed bump and bang! You hit your head. The call was a bit like the analogy of the "speed bump". I was temporarily stunned, disoriented ... I had the blues.

My first reaction was not to go to judo. I felt like letting myself absorb in self-pity, not so much in the mood to take care of young "judokas". I did not have the energy to tell the world "things are going well" with a big smile but neither did I want to explain the details of that call.

My second reaction was to get my biology and pharmacology books out to see what I have not done or what I could do to boost my white blood cells. 20 minutes of reading and I did not learn much. The immune system is a complex subject.

My third reaction was: "this 200$ a dose sh*&%t is not working."

Finally, I started to breathe through the nose and I started to think things through. Since the beginnning blood test are done for the specific purpose of detecting these predictable low levels. Ultimately the question is not WILL I get under 1.5 but rather WHEN will I be below this threshold. If the result is to delay by one week my treatment, it is not the end of the world, just a little bit demoralizing.
Understand that since my appointment with Dr. L, my hematologist, where he said "here's the plan", my path has been positive all the way.
Let me explain:
-I had to be in a good enough shape to start chemotherapy quickly: check
-I had to tolerate the poisons they give me to get rid of cancer: check
-I also had to tolerate Avastin: check
-I have impressed many people including the president of the association by my apparent good shape: check
-Even at 1.5-the doc prescribed the chemo since my case was good: check
-That same day the cancer markers trend gives renewed hope: check

Only good news ... Today is not such a bad news after all. It's just that I was flying high with all my good news so this bad news came as a shock. It felt like right after a big rush of adrenaline. You don't come down at normal level, you crash.

The Neupogen may not be effective? Or it is very effective and thanks to it my level is at 1.4 when it could have been much lower. I will propably never know the true answer but by now you're starting to know me, if there is a positive angle to a story (and there's always one) that's the version I'm sticking to. So thank God I took Neupogen.

In addition, my last chemo was a Wednesday and this one is on a Tuesday, one day short for my white blood cell production. I am sure that if we took another blood sample tomorrow I'd hit 1.5.

Watch the blog closely tomorrow to see if I received the treatment or not. .

Ciao!