Our meeting with Dr. L was not quite as we planned. Let's say we were, Marie-Josée and I, a little too enthusiastic and we felt he wanted to bring us back on earth. We asked very specific questions about my possible surgery: when how the decision will be taken, what are the triggers, How much the masses have to be reduced, etc.).
All these questions with a tone and an attitude of certainty in the advent of this surgery. Dr L responded with terms and particular language that had the effect of a cold shower. I felt that he thought we were a little too optimistic, that we may have had our expectations too high, and he wanted us to refocus. He mentioned that the treatment was progressing well but it is difficult to predict the response of cancer, things can change quickly. He mentioned that the main objective for him was to bring me into remission and keep me there as long as possible, suggesting along the way that the recovery was not possible. He also mentioned but without much conviction that the decision to proceed with surgery would be taken by a team of specialized surgeons, not by him. Needless to say the rest of the appointment found Marie-Josée and I pretty depressed.
However, he didn’t say anything that we did not know already. It's just that we had started to hope that things would move quickly, like having an operation in the spring, but the doc brought us back to another reality.
In these circumstances you will understand that we took a few days to reflect before we were back in the game. In the end, the doctor did his job, he tried to manage our expectations based on statistics and/or on his experience. I plan not to correspond to neither. I have said from the beginning, I have no issue being being an exceptional case and I will be in all phases of my recovery. I even told the doctor before leaving the appointment, "one day you'll use my case in your conference as anecdotal potential for Avastin.
Furthermore there was not only negative news, that day we also learned that my CEA were down to 6.4. Getting close to 5, check out the results next month.
In January, at the same time as my markers, I will have my third abdominal scan. I expect to surprise Dr L with an unexpected reduction of my large tumours.
If you were wondering about the chemotherapy of December 16, I received it as expected with a double dose of Benadryl (50 mg intravenously). I have not had an allergic reaction which is good. I had quite a buzz though. I would say that I now know why I have never taken drugs in my life (except alcohol)… because I hate the feeling. This feeling of my head in the clouds with a body that weighs a ton and sleeping without sleeping because you hear everything going on around you. I take it because it allows me to continue my chemo treatments according to plan but it is not something I would do for fun, no sir.
Until next time!
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