My disease through my daughter's eyes

I can't help but publish this drawing from Elodie and the story around it, it's too cute.

This week, coming back from school Élodie shows me her drawing and tells me that these are electric wires in my belly. She said that it's my cancer because it is connected everywhere. I have to say that she listens to us a lot and often when we tell the story of my cancer we explain that surgeons could not remove my tumors because they are too large and they are connected everywhere (to the liver, to the stomach etc. ..). So for her, it's like her electrical wires. Cute No?

The other story I have to tell regarding Elodie and my cancer is that almost everyday she asks: Is it your chemo day today? She asks me because it is often the reason why I will not pick her up at school early and thus she must go to daycare. So when she "feels" like returning home right after school she asks the question. When I say no, the next question is: Can you play doll with me. You can be the dad, OK?

My children are a bundle of love everyday

28

What is this number? You will never guess. It's the level of my neutrophils (white blood cells) Friday morning before my chemo. When G told me the number I reacted:
-What! 2.8 you mean.
-No, 28. With Neupogen and at your age, it can happen.

You should have seen my face, a mixture of disbelief and a nice smirk. In any case, they're is no hesitation now. This shows how much Doc L knows his business and how he is aggressive like I like it. So I'm connected to the chemo # 6. It will be a weekend in slow motion for me but at least I will be fit for my birthday.

Talk to you later!

Latest news

We interrupt our programming to announce the results of the control scan and the latest results of my blood test. News are good. Indeed, Dr. L gave a "thumbs up" when he listened to the verbal report by the radiologist. In summary, lesions on the peritoneal wall are all gone. There is one lesion left on my liver while there were 2 or 3 in July. As for the large tumors there is no evidence of shrinkage yet, none the less my hematologist is very enthusiastic. He said that large tumours may take more time to respond but with what he heard from the radiologist he knows I'm on the right track. In addition, cancer markers level is continuing to reduce. The CA-125 went from 65 to 22 to 16 and CEA stable a month ago is now down to 10.6 (13 previously). Dr. L prescribed Neupogen again so that I can get my chemo this Friday (no reasons to wait next week he said).

I don't know what part of my healing process is more important but please don't stop what you do. If you pray or send me positive waves don't stop. On my side I will continue to eat according to the principles of Dr. Béliveau and pray, meditate and visualize.

Thank you for your support!

Indian Summer

Today was a day full of energy from the sun shining and also because I am at day 10 post-chemotherapy. We had lunch anti cancer style. We had an egg over easy with turmeric and garlic in a grilled english muffin, mustard and mayonnaise. I accompanied it with fresh mini potatoes slightly fried in the pan and nice slices of italian tomatoes. Marie-Josee and I savored with this feast an infusion of Japanese dried green tea leaves (Sencha variety). After the visit to the hairdresser of our three munchkins, we prepared for an official training of team Raymond-Lafrance. The three runners in their specialized hi-tech clothes and Tristan and I with our regular running shoes. After a short warm up, we were off for a 1 km run. Elodie this afternoon was not quite in the mood but Jordan was, as usual, full of enthusiasm. Me, despite my energy being at the top, I did not even run the kilometer. I walked the last third of the way. Anyway I am handling the video camera at the Cross des Couleurs in Les Cèdres. After the training, with the fresh air and sunshine, the kids and I played touch football in the street. Mom was gone to the hairdresser, it was her turn. Touch football did not last long because the asphalt is not the best surface for it. But we continued to throw the ball for a while the four of us and then three of us since Élodie got bored. It was so pleasant to play ball with my kids. The Guys were running patterns and I was throwing cigars like a pro ;-). It was a great time in the outdoors, a lot of fresh air and fun. Time for sleep now because tomorrow is the race at 11:00 in Les Cèdres.

Disney On Ice

François thank you!

I thank him because he had the generosity to invite the whole family to see Disney On Ice in the Emergis/Telus loge. François is the father of Tristan's best friend . We have known each other for about three years now. Our boys are together all the time. François and Chantal, the mother of Thomas, are people with a big heart and of exceptional generousity. That is why Thomas and Tristan get along so well because Tristan also has a big heart. To illustrate this, these two boys aged 11 along with their friend Olivier organized last spring a cycle-o-thon to benefit the Hospital Ste-Justine foundation. They collected a total of $1605. It demonstrates their social conscience which I believe is very inspiring. They will do it again this year, I will call upon your generosity when the time comes.

Disney on Ice was a show worthy of ... Disney. Marie-Josee and I are fans of Disney. We brought our children twice already to Disney World (Florida) and we expect to return in 2010 when Élodie turns 6 years old. When she went the first time she was only 1 year old. Anyone who has kept in them the spirit of a child should go at least once to Disney World. In my case there is the child in me who loves Disney but there is also the "business" side because in my university studies they were mentioned often for their remarkable management of the theme park concept.

To See this show in a loge was a also a powerful experience. After that, watching a hockey game in the reds doesn't have the same appeal. The loge is spacious, comfortable and well stocked. In my case, something significant was the presence of private toilets. During a hockey game it's an asset that is worth its weight in gold and especially when, like me, you don't quite control your bowel movements. We were treated like distinguished guests and we spent a very enjoyable afternoon .

Thank you again François.

Cooked in the squat

This message is a follow up on a comment made on the french version of my blog. My brother and sister-in-law reminded me of a story I had told them 15 years ago. At the time I had finished reading See You At The Top from Zig Ziglar.

Pierre et Sandrine you are reminding me of a lot of moments when you talk about Cooked in the Squat. And Pierre you are right it is Zig Ziglar that tells this tale. I went on the web to find an audio recording of this Ziglar story of the biscuits that get cooked in the squat. The biscuits story starts around minute 2 and lasts until the end. In total the recording below lasts 6 minutes that are really worth a good listening. The heavy southern accent may be difficult to comprehend sometimes but my english readers should not have to much of an issue.

Well, this is a good start for the series of blog I am preparing to write on the philosophy that I embrassed when I was in my mid twenties after listening to loads of cassette and read plenty of books on motivation, positive thinking and "How to's". The book that summed it all up for me is "7 Habits of Highly Effective Pepole". I wish all could read this book and apply its teachings.

Action is the name of the game. It is the common element preached by Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar and others. It is in fact the subject of the little video I edited for you here.

Listen with pleasure and get into action!

No judo for me this week

I missed judo tonight ... and for the week. I don't control my body as I want, especially post-chemo. Tonight is one of my soft period, in scientific terms: diarrhea. It comes with every chemo around the fifth day. Unfortunately this week my guys are going just once, tonight. The other two nights, Wednesday and Friday are reserved. Wednesday, Tristan will spend time with a private teacher to help him prepare for admission exams to secondary school. He is interested in three schools: externat sacré-Coeur, College St-Sacrement and St-Gabrielle school. The first two are private, the third is public but with IEP (international curriculum). The three schools have selection criteria including a written exam.
As for Friday we are invited by a friend to see Disney On Ice. The show is in the afternoon but it ends too late for us to return for judo. It is such a generous offer that we accepted with so much joy.

Other major news today: Élodie will wear glasses. A month ago during the normal pre-school visit, an optometrist detected astigmatism in Élodie's eyes. This afternoon she did further test to confirm the diagnosis. Élodie was not very pleased with this new accessory. I tried to put a smile on her face by saying that her father wears glasses and he is goodlooking anyway, to which she agreed of course. But the real turn around came when mom told her she also had to wear glasses and she showed her. Suddenly it was not the end of the world anymore it was, in fact, very cool and "sexy".

* The sexy part came when I made the comment that her new
rectangular shaped raspberry color frame, chosen by her mother, would be so
beautiful. Elodie added "it will be sexy" with the associated gesture
that you can imagine. She is five years old ...

I'll post pictures when she gets them.

Watch my next blog because I want to begin a series of texts on an author who has influenced my life. I can hear Yves and Jocelyn say: "not Tony Robbins". No, not him even though I appreciate thoroughly what he advocates and that it's a part of what Dr. Stephen R. Covey wrote in his bestseller: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Until next time!

In Between

Funny title, no?

This is the description that came to my mind when I wanted to write about the period I'm plugged into the bottle. I am writing this note because Marie-Josee looked at me this week, lying down, apathetic, asthenic, and she made the following comment: they don't really know what you're going through. "They" referring to all those who read the blog. I started to tell her that I had nothing interesting to say during those days or at least nothing positive. I would rather write nothing then write depressing things .
Then I thought for a bit and I told myself that this can still be interesting to know what happens during the days 1, 2 and 3 and sometimes 4 post-chemo. I know that I have described briefly the low energy that builds back up after a few days.

What I want to add today happens in between the ears. My brain, shortly after connecting to the bottle, has developed a pattern. It settles in a kind of soft cloud but at the same time not very comfortable (like a water bed, for 5 minutes you say wow that's nice, after half an hour you have backache). It's as if I have an out of body experience. I observe myself be soft and apathetic, heavy and slow. The majority of tasks require energy that my brain could force my body to do but it doesn't. It's as if it was saying "why should I get out of bed, it is not really necessary." It is certain that I'm spoiled by my entourage so there is a certain complacency. But my brain rationalises the behavior, I have to rest so I can recover quickly.
It's complicated, no. Get up, don't get up, rest, move your buttocks. There's this internal struggle during those three or four days. This intellectual rollercoaster projects an external image of depression. Marie-Josee watches me through a magnifying glass to see if it is temporary or if I will sink into despair. The reality is that I am certainly not the Martin you know during that period but I am not about to fall into real depression.

After the fifth round of chemo, sometimes I wish it would be over, that I'm cured. I would like to use my energy to live rather than survive. I'm not sure what I just said is clear. In any event, I reached the fourth day post-chemo, my brain is getting out of this cloud and it starts thinking about what to do during the period in which energy is better. Then, he realizes he has no time to do everything and must prioritize.

It's the fourth day, I am trying to prioritize ... write my blog, play with Elodie, play with the my boys, give a hug to my wife ...