The Faculty

On May 6, MJ and I were invited to participate in a continuing education seminar at the Faculty of Nursing of the University of Montreal. The subject is “soins aux familles” which I have a hard time translating. It would be something like how to provide support and care for the family members of a chronically or seriously ill patient.

This week long training provided to nurses included a live interview of a family touched by serious illness (usually cancer). The head of the training, Ms. D, knows a nurse at the hospital Sacré-Coeur. She is MJ’s angel which introduced us to my hematologist Dr. L. Ms. D was looking for a family for the week of training and our names was proposed.
We did not bring the children but we had a picture of them and they were a major part of the discussion.

18 nurses were enrolled in this session and watched on closed circuit television, or through a window, the interview conducted by the head of training. One objective was to show participants a method of approaching the family to get to know them better(not just the patient) and provide more appropriate care hence better care.

Note: Ms. D, if you read my blog and you want to correct me, please contact me anytime.

The main interview lasted almost 2 hours. We responded to questions, expressed emotions, cried a lot. We talked about the disease but not in detail, rather as a backdrop for the rest. Then the participants gave feedback to Ms. D. What did they retain? What had touched them? What would they do different when they return to work?
During the debriefing it was our turn to be the observer behind the window.

Finally we had the last word by having the opportunity to comment after their debriefing.

The basis of the method of interview is a tool Ms. D calls a genogram. It is a kind of drawing resembling a family tree. Ms. D said that it helps to see the patient in a broader context. He is not the only one affected by the disease. All the people who gravitate around him are affected too in one way or another and they in turn have an impact on the patient's response to the disease.

Without giving too much detail on the genogram it is important to know that this tool opened the door wide to emotions. This is a simple way to get the person in front of you to share some very deep thoughts.

Those who know me well know that I don’t need to have the door wide open to start talking and I wonder if on a few occasions Ms. D did not ask herself the question: "how can I stop him and return to my questions." But, but, but I still managed to stop at one point so MJ could also share her point of view ;-)

Moreover, this directed discussion period has allowed Josée and I to discover a little more about each other. Even though we’ve been together 25 years, our perspective of the other on some issues has changed ... or evolved.

In summary we have discussed the following topics:
· Relationship with our respective parents (also with my brothers and sisters)
· Relationships with our children
· How did we get the news of the disease
· How have we communicated the news to the children
· What each of us bring to the other
· How each of us live or respond to the disease
· Identify the strength of the other to defeat the disease (not just the patient)
· Identify the strengths of children to pass through this test

Out of everything that was said that morning, I asked each of the participants to retain at least this: If you can not find a way to give hope to your patients at least have the wisdom not to remove the hope they have, because hope is the basis of any treatment. Hope does not cure everything, but you can’t heal without hope.

Josée's message was: as much as possible focus on the person in front of you, make him/her feel important, be it the patient or a member of the family.

MJ and I were delighted with this half-day. I believe that all participants were also appreciative. Many were waiting for us outside the room to thank us for our candor. I can tell you that it's always nice to be told that you’re good and nice ;-)

One comment that touched us most deeply: "we would all want to be adopted by you guys." For a couple with a main objective to be the best parents possible, these are words that go straight to the heart.
Marie-Josée and I thank Ms. D to have invited us and we thank all nurses for their warmth and their comments. We wish them good luck in the continuation of their work that requires great compassion for their fellowman.